Judgement and Division
We are in a state of emergency! You are needed! You are needed to shine your light, see the commonality and bring us together as a supportive community.
Perpetuation of Divide, Separation
We have been led to believe that nothing can be done about the divide in our country, in our world. We see the problems, racial and gender inequity, income inequality, and corporate power. Our governments are ineffective, tied up in bipartisan bickering - we have lost hope that there can be a solution. Many of us have become resigned to our way of living where one side is always against another. Believing this, we close our minds to possibilities and what could be. However, there is a way to make a societal course correction, and it starts with you.
We are naturally sensitive to physical differences in each other. We perceive the physical world and those around us through our senses of sight, hearing, and smell. How we act, how we talk, how we dress - our minds are actively judging as our senses perceive. This is part of the human condition. As men, based on our experience, if a person looks and acts a certain way, it is easier to believe he or she will always act that way. The categorization of people - men and women, black and white, old and young, etc. - are how we explain the world to ourselves, and how we have learned to cope with our fears. These fears include being left behind, not having enough and not being accepted. We alleviate these fears by neatly putting people into buckets of predictable behavior. The voice in our head, our ego, tells us that defense is necessary to guard against hurt.
We can never feel fully secure in this society of lack and competition, and stress is the result. By categorizing and telling ourselves we are better or superior, we placate our ego. Judgement feeds the ego, as we make ourselves feel superior by pointing out differences and looking down upon the unwashed masses. When we look for further reinforcement of our view, it is easy to find in the media. When we see people in the news acting from fear we make judgements without fully understanding their story. The news does not provide a full explanation of how the people arrived at their actions, and it feeds the snap judgments our egos naturally are drawn to.
We can change the divide by starting with ourselves. When we see these images, we can start changing our perception by thinking of the ways we are linked, what we might have in common. By looking at what we have in common with empathy, instead of focusing on the differences, we can decrease the divide to become a community.
Judgement as a Reflection of Self
Can we see a game or competition without negativity, as an experience with beauty contributed from both sides and all players?
I have come to understand that my judgements of others come from my own fear. When I was a teenager, I had acne, like many others. I was acutely aware of it most of the time. It was physically painful at times, which made me even more aware of it. My self-esteem was very low, because I believed that the way I looked was important to my acceptance in society. For me this exemplified the fear of being left behind. Maybe you have felt this? It is this fear that has manifested as judgement in my life. To understand the source of my judgements required introspection. The judgement of others originates with self judgement. As part of my own journey, I came to understand that I could have empathy and compassion for myself and what I had experienced. Now I understand that because of past events like this I can have empathy and compassion for others who are suffering from fear.
In my training to be a man, I was taught that either you excelled or you were left behind. A perfect example of this was sporting events. As men we were taught to boo at the “loser” of a game, or when a player makes a mistake. We were taught that winning was everything and losing was close to nothing. Can we see a game or competition without negativity, as an experience with beauty contributed from both sides and all players?
The negative attitude towards “losing” in competitions manifests in our current society in the form of name calling, judgements, and wholesale categorization of people (from all parts of society and political sides). Do you see the furthering division in our current politics? When we participate in a political discussion, do we try to see the other side with empathy? In a discussion that leads to a vote can we see the beauty of someone else’s truth? We know that everyone has experienced fear of some kind. It is through understanding this fear that we will understand why someone believes what they do.
By believing we are better or superior, we try (but never succeed) to put the fear to rest of not being accepted by society or being left behind. Being in judgement is the opposite of having an open mind, or being open to possibilities. Forgiveness of self, of others is essential to the release of negative emotions, and the expansion of thought process to consider possibilities of what could be. By thinking that we know about everyone, how they will behave, and that we are better somehow, we prevent our minds being open to the possibility of a different behavior or a different outcome. As I have discussed in my post on forgiveness, by opening our minds to possibility, we can consider different outcomes, different behaviors and thinking from the people in our lives, including in our society and our world.
I have come to understand that my judgements of others come from my own fear. When I was a teenager, I had acne, like many others. I was acutely aware of it most of the time. It was physically painful at times, which made me even more aware of it. My self-esteem was very low, because I believed that the way I looked was important to my acceptance in society. For me this exemplified the fear of being left behind. Maybe you have felt this? It is this fear that has manifested as judgement in my life. To understand the source of my judgements required introspection. The judgement of others originates with self judgement. As part of my own journey, I came to understand that I could have empathy and compassion for myself and what I had experienced. Now I understand that because of past events like this I can have empathy and compassion for others who are suffering from fear.
In my training to be a man, I was taught that either you excelled or you were left behind. A perfect example of this was sporting events. As men we were taught to boo at the “loser” of a game, or when a player makes a mistake. We were taught that winning was everything and losing was close to nothing. Can we see a game or competition without negativity, as an experience with beauty contributed from both sides and all players?
The negative attitude towards “losing” in competitions manifests in our current society in the form of name calling, judgements, and wholesale categorization of people (from all parts of society and political sides). Do you see the furthering division in our current politics? When we participate in a political discussion, do we try to see the other side with empathy? In a discussion that leads to a vote can we see the beauty of someone else’s truth? We know that everyone has experienced fear of some kind. It is through understanding this fear that we will understand why someone believes what they do.
By believing we are better or superior, we try (but never succeed) to put the fear to rest of not being accepted by society or being left behind. Being in judgement is the opposite of having an open mind, or being open to possibilities. Forgiveness of self, of others is essential to the release of negative emotions, and the expansion of thought process to consider possibilities of what could be. By thinking that we know about everyone, how they will behave, and that we are better somehow, we prevent our minds being open to the possibility of a different behavior or a different outcome. As I have discussed in my post on forgiveness, by opening our minds to possibility, we can consider different outcomes, different behaviors and thinking from the people in our lives, including in our society and our world.
Seeing the Commonality
If we are all just trying to make it, with the information we have at the time, can’t we see what we have in common?
When we watch the news with footage of protests or politicians arguing, can we see them as part of our family? Can we see that these protesters or politicians watched the same Saturday morning cartoons, eating the same cereal that we ate growing up? Or maybe they follow the same basketball team? Maybe someone is a gamer like you, or likes to cook like you do? What conversations we could have around our similarities!
The system is rigged in favor of the haves, not the have nots. Our system thrives on division and hopelessness because the feeling of not being able to change the system keeps a few of us in power. Our government structure is such that nothing of substance can be done to change this. If we see this, if we understand this, isn’t it a call to action?
Someone I used to work with once helped me see how we are all the same. We were discussing a work service provider, who was making a bid to break off from their company and do the job themselves. I brought up a number of problems with the scenario, including what I judged to be their lack of business experience. I must have said something like, “What do these people think they’re doing?” His response was, “They are just trying to make it like the rest of us”. These were wise words that have stuck with me. We are all on our own path with our own experiences. We can learn from each other if we take the time to listen.
If we are all just trying to make it, with the information we have at the time, can’t we see what we have in common? We can change our perception of others by understanding where our thought patterns come from. What actions can we take from this new perspective? It is in our interactions with others that we can make a difference. When we react with thoughts of division and emotion, we can catch ourselves and modify our perception by thinking of commonality. Over time, our perception and reactions will change.
We can participate in our community: participate in conversations in person, on social media, in groups, and at marches. In my opinion the bravest of us participate in government to make a change. Can you think of one thing you can do outside your comfort zone to extend your knowledge, to have a dialogue about or with someone who is not like you? For everyone to feel a part of our society, to heal the divide, we all need to do our part. Let’s go, we got this!